This is a friendly place.
For those not in the know, 420 is code for smoking weed. I didn’t know why either, so I Googled it. Apparently, some teenagers in the '70s would meet up at a wall by the bleachers at 4:20 to discuss making a treasure map to find an abandoned cannabis crop. I don’t believe they ever found the crop but thus, the association was born.
I celebrated mildly by taking a little toke and posting a few related things throughout the day. I was supposed to go out with a fellow 420 enthusiast for a Baked Brunch, but she got sick. (Feel better, pal!) I didn’t make it a big deal. I don't need Valentine’s Day to tell someone I love them, just like I don’t need April 20th to enjoy “the devil’s lettuce.”
I was going to let the day pass like I do every year. But on this April 20th, I saw someone I follow on Instagram talk about how they find people who celebrate 420 tend to make weed their whole personality. At first, I felt a little defensive. Were they talking about me? Probably not. Not EVERYTHING is about YOU (meaning me). But why was I so triggered? It forced me to consider whether I made it my whole personality. The assessment: No, I don’t believe I do. But I am a fan. And I’m not afraid to show it. And if you’re interested, here’s a little wormhole into why I smoke.
I don’t come from a line of kids that used to skip class and smoke weed in their car during 5th period. I found this substance late in life. I dabbled here an there in my 20’s, but never with any gusto. A puff here and there. But then in my early 30’s I was going through a brutal heartbreak at that time, and my roommate suggested I give it a REAL try. I was experiencing a deep pain. I’m sure some of you can relate. In retrospect, that person and that relationship didn’t really merit all that emotional drama, but it felt very “Victorian fainting couch” at the time. That’s where I was when I started smoking the greatest herbal supplement in the world—the pit of despair.
I’m so grateful to that roommate for making that suggestion. I wholeheartedly believe it saved my life. Not only did it help dull the sharpness that comes with memories of a love lost, but it opened a portal to my creative “Source.” A creative tuning fork I didn’t know I had. And on top of that, it makes me laugh harder than I ever thought I could. It makes me happy, less inhibited, and it makes me want to share a coke with the world. I’m so lucky it has that affect on me. It has never made me angry, or violent, or standoffish. It’s made me slightly paranoid once or twice and has caused me to make some interesting food choices. Did you know that Doritos with cream cheese is delicious? Well, now you do.
I know some people don't enjoy their experience with it, and it hurts my heart for you and for the world. Because if it could unlock something beautiful and invigorating for you, too, how much better would the world be? And it’s not your fault. It’s a chemistry thing. And for those who have chosen to be sober of it and/or other vices, I salute you. Raw dogging life is hard.
But you see, for ME, that glorious plant unlocks more than just a good time. It tunes me in to some technicolor creative download bonanza. That's the only way I can describe it.
Rick Rubin discusses many poignant and inspiring things in his book, The Creative Act (which is a must-read for anyone who has even a teeny, tiny inkling of creativity, IMHO). One of which is the responsibility creatives have to tune in and receive the download that comes from Source (what “Source is” is up to you) and try to see it through to the end.
The goal is to channel for as long as it comes, to be in tune and tune out all other distractions. I was immediately inspired by this, and I’m trying, but I’m finding it very difficult to do that without the aid of some “flower.” (Flower = the herb, not the edible. To me, the high is different—the closer to nature, the closer to God, I guess. Is that a saying? Evangelicals weigh in.)
I think I have undiagnosed ADHD (or something in that family). My mind thinks in 12 different directions at all times. It's WILD in there, but somehow, flower helps to hone it in. As long as I’m somewhere, I can jot down what’s coming through. The ideas, the thoughts, the downloads, whatever you want to call them, come in clearer, and they’re fun and delicious. It's exhilarating when you capture these messages from wherever you think your creativity comes from Source, your soul, voices, spirit guides, dead relatives, God, whatever. It feels electric. As a writer by trade and by hobby I feel that Mary Jane has a way to get me into the flow. Hemingway said, “Write drunk, edit sober.” So I do that except I sub alcohol for weed.
I am an atheist, and I’m not going to tell you that when I smoke I believe in God. I don’t. But I will tell you that my absolute #1 favorite thing to do in New York City is to smoke, put on a playlist, and walk in Central Park. That is my Church. It’s sacred, it’s holy, and I prefer to do it alone. I’d take doing that over pretty much anything on most days. That’s how much I love being inside my mind when I’m high. I’ve come up with so many ideas and solved so many creative briefs (#iykyk, respectfully) doing that. My notes app is at max capacity with ideas, jokes, philosophies, screenplays, stage plays, substacks, etc that I haven’t put into motion yet. And now that I’m on a quest to create something out of nothing, Mary Jane and I have gotten much closer.
She helps me get it out. Not judge the content just GO. She surprises with how she shows up in certain situtations for example:
One night my (ex)BFF and I sat around my kitchen table in my old solo apartment and we smoked, we were listening to a playlist I’d made called “Music To Be Murder3d To” and started making up scenarios like mini music videos for each song that came on. They poured out. Each one vibrant and unexpected. It’s fun, you should try it. Pick a playlist and a parameter of sorts, i.e.; every scenario has to involve a death. If the parameter goes with the theme of your playlist, even better. I still remember each “mini-movie” we came up with. I revisit them every time I hear those songs, and I’m so grateful for that night. Those are some of the snapshots I keep of her. Anyway, that experience? Brought to you by…flower.
(I even made Pinterest boards for some of them because they were so good and so vivid in my mind that I needed to express them somehow.)
Look, I’m not here to convert. I just wanted to illuminate and ruminate about this little plant that I love and for which I’m so grateful.
I think about how vital this escape is, especially in such crazy times. I appreciate my ability to stay in moderation, how I use it to tap into a deeper well of my creative expression, and how much I enjoy getting a little stoned and spending time with people who spark ideas and possibilities, regardless of whether they partake or not.
So, if we’ve ever shared a moment like that or you have a favorite thing that you do to tap into your creative source, or have had a positive experience with MJ, let me know in the comments.
And if you’ve ever been around me while I’m a little “dazed and confused” distracted with “downloads” and you weren’t on the same page, thank you for your grace and patience with me. I appreciate you.
As always,
Live, laugh, puff-pass
XO, Me