Respectfully, what the fuck?
How many women's cries do you need to hear in order to appease us? Stop torturing us with these removable pads. They're maddening. You know it, I know it, we all know it. Quick Q: Are you all run by an evil misogynistic overlord that feeds off our collective suffering? I don't understand what the business model is. Did you purposely set out to create something that all breast-having humans need and then decide to make it slightly less perfect by not committing to the simple idea of sewing in or removing the goddamn pads! Let's be honest we both know no one is ever going to take the time to remove the pads and hand wash each separately. I mean, who’s got the time? You know we're tossing those sweaty things in with the rest of the gym clothes. We have shit to do. We do not have time to luxuriously hand wash undergarments in 28-degree spring water. This is not the 18th century. WOMEN HAVE JOBS NOW. My God, it's so frustrating. Why won't you just sew them in? Or leave them out? Or create a version of both, some for women that hate showing others they have nipples and the others for those who don't give a single fuck if their nipples show, and all nipple feelings in between.
I know I narrowly passed AP Physics, but I am absolutely flabbergasted by what consistent circular motion does to a breast pad in a dryer. It takes me a solid 2 minutes to finagle the fucking breast pad through the quarter-inch hole you've provided us to fit our entire hand in, in order to manipulate a triangle pad into a round opening and then smooth it out so our tit doesn’t look like Rocky Dennis. The dryer, however, has figured out a way to remove one pad from one side of the sports bra and put it in the other side of the bra simply through the use of air and circular motion—give MayTag the Nobel prize in Physics because “Wow!” I didn't realize I needed a fucking Ph.D. in maths and sciences in order to constantly reconstruct your subpar creation so that my breasts don’t flip-flop around while working out.
I don't think I'm alone when I say that my heart sinks when I collect those ragged little pads out of the dryer. I hate it. I leave the task of putting together my sports bra for last, mentally cursing you and your entire company the entire time. Folding and putting away laundry is already my least favorite chore of all time. So much so that I fantasize about a time when I make it to the tax bracket that lets you employ people to handle the tasks you hate to do. A laundry person is definitely going on my payroll. Your half-assed product makes doing laundry even more of a chore. I've let my side of the hamper balloon up like my midsection in Italy— bursting at the seams in order to put off doing laundry so AS NOT TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOUR SHODDY ASS SPORTS BRAS. Do you see the ripple effect your irrational fear of commitment has?? Do we not have enough commitment issues we have to deal with on a day-to-day basis?
We just need your support, literally and figuratively, you cowards.
I'm sure by now some sports bra start-up has figured this out, but the problem with high-tech sports bra innovation is the hefty price tag (see: women who can afford task-doers), and I don't feel like spending $60 on something I plan to ruin in the washing machine. I know thread costs like pennies, so for the love of Christ, can you just please, PLEASE, use some thread to sew 👏 the 👏 pads 👏 in?! I don't need space-age wicking; I need to not have two crumpled, sad flaps of cotton taunting me to my grave.
If no one at Hanes or [cheap target brand here] has thought of this idea yet, you can have mine! FOR FREE. Take it. Go to Shark Tank with it! Have it made by tiny hands in Indonesia, so your profit margins knock Mark Cuban's socks off! I don't care at this point; the world has bigger problems, and you could be doing something to solve one of them. Bring balance to the world as we know it by adding something GOOD to society—AFFORDABLE, MACHINE WASHABLE, SPORTS BRAS WITH SEWN-IN PADDING OR NO PADDING AT ALL.
It’s really that simple. That’s all women want. (Well, that, a slim waistline, and eternal youth, but it’s a start.)
Thank you in advance,
My boobs, and my sanity.
"give MayTag the Nobel prize in Physics because “Wow!”" made me do a literal spit take. so funny! also, swimsuits that have this are an immediate return. Who keeps making these things?
😂😂😂😂 all of this 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 all of it.