Top 4 things about texting that you need to know.
Some will say it comes off cunty. But let me explain.
There are some unwritten rules and tough lessons about communicating with others via text bubbles. I’ve learned the hard way, so you don’t have to. Let’s dive in.
#1 Avoid the letter “K”
Here’s the thing— the letter K, in all its forms, is a cunty little bitch with an attitude. Some people know this, but for those who don’t, for those who have been willy-nilly sending out k’s in utter naïveté, here is a crash course:
Lowercase “k”: That single letter left out there trying to convince you that it’s “all chill” with its lowercase and no punctuation, just shoeless and kicking rocks, confirming or affirming something…that’s the cuntiest of the bunch. It wants you to think it’s ambivalent, but it’s not. It is definitely out here trying to start a fight. It's diabolically passive-aggressive. Tough in meek’s clothing. An alphabetical eye-roll seen from space. You can’t convince me otherwise. You send me a “k”— I’m doing this on the other end:
Lowercase “k.” (with a period): Childish. Went the extra mile to add the period, but not to add the “o?” Pure contempt. Am I your mother? Do you see me as your mother? Gross. Are you unwell? I hate it.
A “K“or “K.”: You’re pissed at me, you’ve got anger. We’re fighting right now. Everyone needs to take a minute. Go off and get some air, take a Pilates class, whatever, but it’s at the boiling point.
Anything after “K” or “K.” is either dead silence— for anywhere from 2 days to 6 years—or a CVS receipt-sized text unleashing years of pent-up rage. Tell me I’m wrong.
Bottom line: there is no scenario in your life where you’re too busy NOT to put the O in front of the K. UNLESS YOU ARE IN THE ACT OF DYING, you have the extra second. If you don’t know this rule, guide your life by it. Or don’t. I’m just out here trying to do the Lord’s work.
#2 Periods at the ends of words or short sentences are tricky.
And can also be cunty. I will admit. But sometimes not. Hear me out.
Personally, I like them for many reasons. They look good; they’re aesthetically pleasing to the eye. Also, I’m very partial to words. I don't like leaving them out there to dangle alone. It’s why I love a period. I prefer a good, strong end to things. No wishy-washyness left up for interpretation. I do it subconsciously most of the time. But some people find it abrasive. Abrupt. Ambiguous. In that case, I can only say—look at the context—of the conversation. Has it gotten salty? If so, the period probably is intentionally saying “fuck you,” but sometimes it’s not at all.
For example:
“All set.” has two completely different meanings based on what came before these two words. Was it “Sent a Venmo request for the concert tickets,” or was it “I just think we could really work it out this time….”
Periods are nuanced. They’re understated. They’re perfect. Period. But, as always, context matters.
*and to reiterate, a period after the letter “k” is always, and without exception, a white-gloved call for a duel.
#3 The singular 👍
I’m so happy they’ve added the reactions and included the thumb; this is such a less aggressive way to send confirmation than a giant emoji thumb haplessly thrown out on its own. I don’t know why; scientifically, it just is.
As always, context matters here. That and the age and mentality of the person sending you thumbs.
Is it a 70-year-old parent, is it your friend who refuses to adhere to societal rules and just enjoys sending a thumb, or is it someone who is entirely sick of your shit, this thread, this life? If we were in each other’s face and I gave you a detailed itinerary or a list of my personal traumas and you responded with a “thumbs up?” that would be considered rude, maybe even mental, would it not? So why would it be ok in text? It’s so lazy, so vague, so defiantly contemptuous. Again, up to so much interpretation, it’s better to skip the emoji thumb altogether and go straight to reaction thumb if you can. Better safe than spiral. IYKYK.
#4 Ending years-long friendships over text…
Don't.
And to the two people who have done it in the past 6 months,
…Rude. Bye.
sending this to the guys i text from now on.